Fungible Convictions

You yell from one room to the other, to your husband, “I was just talking to my mother on the phone. We found out our family history is totally different than what we thought. Our name was changed. My last name is made up. My great-grandfather was actually Polish and not Irish and changed his name to be able to get a job. God. I’m stunned. We’re all stunned. I’m not sure who I am now.”

You hear him yell back, “So, like, where are my genes?”

“Exactly!” you say. You start to continue the conversation in depth as you walk into the other room. You see him folding the laundry.

“The new button-fly ones,” he says. “They didn’t make it into the wash. Now, what were you saying?”

You punch him in the back of the head. Because he’s too awesome.

Besides those on Miss Snark, there aren’t many book blog comments that are both intentionally and actually funny. Then I fire up the computer this morning and see the Metaxu Cafe repost of the Sand Storm post I wish men could have their period, with the following pun-packed comment below it:

Victor Schwartzman wrote:

Of course, Sand Storm, a male, is ignoring the downside of women having periods. For example, women also have commas. The apostrophe can be a catastrophe. There are those awful elipses and, after certain terrible operations, semi-colons.

And don’t get me started on multiple orgasms.

As a man, I only have one orgasm at a time (generally speaking—although a private once also said that, referring to his privates). To fold in another thought, at my age I tend to confuse orgasms with origami. But are we papering over the real problem?

Yes, women arguably have it harder than men—discrimination, abuse, sexual assaults, physical assaults, being murdered, objectification, rarely having orgasms to begin with…uh, where was I?

None of this is what society has promised me—eternal youth and attractiveness and fulfillment, provided I use the right products.

Of course, this appears to be the case for women also. Yes, one could say it is not only women who get screwed in our society. By the way, why is it that the only words we have for making love are the same words we use for making mistakes?

I am looking forward to the Golden Age of Retirement. I am certain society will live up to its promises there.