Fear of work?

Coming as I do from remarkably hard-working parents, the question “Do I fear work?” has nagged at me for years. It nags at me because my parents are hard-working: their example both makes it essentially genetic that I’ll work harder than other people but as a son means I’ve learned their lesson and will be protective of my downtime.

Thus it means I get into the office first every day and I get an enormous amount of work done. But it also means I block my office webmail on my home computer and take all my vacation days.

This balance has one bad feature in particular. I tend to read books far less than I used to, because reading feels like work. When reading was work, like in grad school, I read a ton.

I dunno, just a fragment of a fuller thought somewhere out there. I just want to figure out why my leisure activities—working on Readsfeed for example—are so much like work, when actual play, whether it’s reading or bike riding or softball, are things I’d like to do but don’t.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 and is filed under autobio. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
  • kathleenluckard

    Because of your inheritance and inner diligence, you probably feel guilty, even subconsciously, doing something that used to be a pleasure while you know work awaits.

    Let me assure you that the toughest balance is the working mother – as your mom and I have been. No matter where you are and what you are doing – with your child or at work – you ALWAYS feel you are short-changing someone.

  • http://czilka.wordpress.com/ Christine

    FWIW, I work bc I fear criticism & I strive for approval. I want to do a good job. It's hard for me to do something fun, because it doesn't offset criticism, and no one gives me a high five for doing something fun. My inner critic is a slave driver.

    Perhaps you have an inner critic, too.

  • http://fungibleconvictions.com/ Andrew Whitacre

    I definitely have an inner critic–it's one of the reasons I stopped writing fiction after grad school. But I've gotten high-fives for fun things lots of times, though there's usually an element of competition/team involved.