Prof to student: "Can I borrow a feeling?"
Seriously people, men need a handbook on how not to be a loser, even if they are one. Nevertheless, after again hearing a story from someone I know in school about a professor getting drunk and pursuing his own students, I have to write the following:
WHEREAS, a professor hit on one of his students at a bar last night;
WHEREAS, he told her she had “fantastic breasts!”;
WHEREAS, he used the description “babe-alicious”;
WHEREAS, he told her he would totally “do her”;
WHEREAS, when, in the midst of this loserly verbal onslaught, she tried to change the subject by asking him the name of his teenage son and he responded that “It doesn’t matter”;
THEREFORE IT IS SET FORTH ON THIS DAY, THE FOURTEENTH OF DECEMBER, TWO THOUSAND AND SIX, THAT THIS MAN’S TITLE OF “PROFESSOR” IS HEREBY REPLACED WITH THE TITLE OF KIRK VAN HOUTEN. To wit:
Can I borrow a feeling?
Could you lend me a jar of love?
Hurtin’ hearts need some healin’,
Take my hand with your glove of love
